Kékszemű
Kín volt,
könnyed volt és jeges, fátyol-méreg,
ahogy márványba karcoltad lépted,
Kín volt.
maró, éles, édes talány
mint karcos jeges magányos szán.
Blue-eyed
It was torment
It was easy and icy, veil-venomous,
the way you were scratching your steps into marble,
It was easy and icy, veil-venomous,
the way you were scratching your steps into marble,
It was torment.
Mordant, stinging, sweet riddle
like an etchy icy lonely slide.
Mordant, stinging, sweet riddle
like an etchy icy lonely slide.
translation by: OvidiusOnTheTiles
This is getting minimalistic, and I love minimalism. Your choices for words are perfect here (of course, some might have been lost in translation, so I'm sorry just incase) and I really enjoy the rhymes within the lines. The repetition works well, once again. I love the mood radiating from this one. It has a less concrete vibe but in the same time it's perhaps easier to relate to than the first two poems. Regardless, your take is fresh and not cliché. Impressive!
VálaszTörlésThank you! I was a bit afraid i didn't come up with such fresh ideas in this one, but you seem to think the opposite. :)
VálaszTörlés