A hotel tetején is
a tó vize.
Odébb szabályos templom-háromszög.
A közeli vár tégláit
szétszórt alkotóelemeknek nézem.
Emberek sírnak
az ablakok mögött.
Én önkényesen kavarom az időt.
Ha a vár téglái
szétszórt alkotóelemek.
Even on the top of the hotel
the water of the pond is there.
An equilateral church-triangle is nearby.
I take the bricks of the nearby castle
as scattered components.
People cry
behind the windows.
I am arbitrarily stirring time.
If the bricks of the castleare scattered components.
translation by: OvidiusOnTheTiles
This poem screams rebellion! The repetition is very well-done as is the division of lines. I like the way the poem is in a way scattered to pieces and thoughts but its parts still lead into a common destination - a perfect example of synergy. I can't really say anything constructive I'm afraid, as I am not very good at analyzing literature and your work has no obvious flaws. The headline could be more insightful I feel, but something like this doesn't necessarily even need a separate title. Personally I just find titles important and, at their best, intriguing. My favorite line here has to be "I am arbitrarily stirring time." It may not be so crucial to the poem as a whole, but it creates various and interesting associations. Wonderful!
VálaszTörlés