A hold mosolya ma ferde.
Különös,bársony-nyelvén
-pipafüstöt vérző szépség-
a bolgár határra hív.
A hold szemeire vágyom.
Őrült, kavics-nyelvemen
-féltve őrzött, gőgös magány-
-féltve őrzött, gőgös magány-
a bolgár határra hívom.
Félúton Törökország felé.
Tonight the moon smiles wryly.
In his peculiar velvet language
-beauty bleeding tick smoke-
he invites me to the Bulgarian barrier.
I long for the moon’s eyes.
In my vexatious pebble language
-carefully tended lordly solitude-
I invite him to the Bulgarian barrier.
Halfway to Turkey.
Halfway to Turkey.
(translation:Ovidius On The Tiles)
Clever usage of cultural and geographical backgrounds in this one. The third lines in both of the main verses are just excellent, particularly the one in the first verse, those words just match and together create such a beautiful unison. The first lines, using the moon, could be better and more unique, but their purpose as the starting lines is justified and logical. The ending is quite exhaustive. I see a different kind of repetition here which in its own isn't a problem, but maybe I'm starting to see too much of a pattern with that. I really enjoy the polarization in this one though, and I can't say that there are any really major flaws that would prevent this from being a work worth being proud of. :)
VálaszTörlés